Soon, your home pacing the floors trying to calm a fussy baby. You have not slept in weeks.
It passes, it gets better, and then teething sets in. Then baby starts to crawl, getting into everything, following you around the house like a puppy dog. Then steps begin. Then they say your name for the first time, and before you know it your dropping them off for their first day of school.
I could write whole pages on each of those precious, trying, beautiful, messy moments. Motherhood is SO rich in emotion. It fuels my creativity like nothing else ever has. I have hundreds of words in my heart, and only sparse moments to write them down here and there. I wish I had days just to write down all the things I feel for my child, for myself in my new discovery of who I am as a mother, and of how this whole journey has impacted me.
I want to have time to just sleep. I want to have time to just sit and stare at his tiny fingers and ears and eyelashes. I want time to paint pictures of our most precious moments, and time to make our house cleaner for when my amazing husband comes home to kiss me and play with our son. Moments to write books, and go on long walks, and date nights, and sleep. Did I mention sleep?
In all seriousness thou, time is a very very important thing, a very fleeting thing, and when you become a parent, your sense of time goes out the window. The unexpected will always happen, a tantrum during a photo session you have been planning for months, A blow out when your late for church or a play date, or the appearance of a feisty new tooth that keeps you up all hours of the night on your "vacation"
Many of us were used to relaxing and sleeping in on Saturdays. We had time to sit and watch a whole movie, time to do the things we love. There is so much sudden and intense change in parenthood, and deep sacrifice as well.
When we are in these moments, we look at them and try our hardest to remember that they wont last long. The teething will end. Everyone eventually sleeps through the night. And you will stop fighting over who gets to change this particular diaper. I promise.
As hard as we try, it is easy, and completely normal to forget to cherish, and to instead just melt down and become overwhelmed. We are stretched thin. Moms do so much. so much. Its not just the physical things we do, or the taking care of the child.
Moms are exceptionally busy in their hearts. There is SO much to feel. Every atom in our being, every piece of our soul is consumed by the emotion of this new role. There is so much fear and anxiety, so much hope and looking forward, and greater then everything else, so so much deep deep love. There is just so much of everything. I think its important to recognize that.
Recognize it, and then stop. Stop time.
For a second, breathe, and stop looking forward. I know how exciting it is to think about your baby saying "mama" or your toddler being able to use the bathroom by themselves. Its so promising to think about the great adventures and stories you will have when your child is old enough to have them. There are so many birthdays to plan, and pictures to take, vacations to have. There will be first steps, first kisses, and first best friends. Then there are all the first breaks. The first heart break, the first time you get a break, the first time you feel completely relaxed in your "break" while your child is at school. These are all wonderful things, that we should completely embrace and hope for and find peace over. They are after all, just around the river-bend.
But before you paddle any farther up that river, before you turn the corner to peek around at whats next, stop and be still. Hold your baby. Not to count the minutes until they get bigger, or to miss how small they used to be. Hold them to hold them in that very moment. Life is made of today's. Stop waiting for your breaks, for the tides to change. Stop looking for the moments around the river-bend. And just walk a little slower, drive a little safer, stare at your sleeping baby a little longer.
I hate when people tell me it goes by fast, because we all know that without a doubt is true. We will for sure, look back and miss this. But that's not what we need to be thinking.
The only way to make these memories last, to keep our sanity in a crazy messy sleep deprived world of diapers and tantrums and sippy cups; The only way to stop looking back, and stop looking forward is to FEEL.
Feel your moment. Feel the weight of your child's head on your shoulder. Feel the temperature of the air, and the slow rhythm of the breathes (may they be sleeping, screaming, or playing) Feel the shrill joy when your child screams in delight. Feel the pain when they hurt themselves. Feel everything so deeply that it rocks you to your core.
Don't fight the tears, or the laughs, or the dilly dallying. Those are the things that keep memories alive. Laughter, tears, and slow downs.
Feel your child's emotions, feel your spouses, feel your own. Just feel.
And after that, look back and smile at the things you have felt. And smile at all of the beautiful feelings that are waiting ahead of you, just around the river bend.
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